Why I'm not into Halloween

When I was a kid, we didn't have much to do with Halloween in Australia. It was an American thing. On the 31st of October, there'd be a piece at the end of the news with people in weird costumes standing around piles of pumpkins and that was just about all I'd hear about Halloween. It was an exotic custom that belonged to a different culture.

But not only that. Some years, kids would come around our house dressed up in white sheets and witches hats. (Never with their parents of course. It was a simpler time.) My Mum would give them a lecture on the Americanisation of Australian culture and then send them away. Any time Halloween was mentioned on TV or we saw a display of Halloween-themed merchandise at the supermarket, she'd embark on a rant about how everything American was over-running everything Australian.

With an upbringing like that, I'm sure you can imagine what I thought of Halloween. To me, it was just another overblown commercialised holiday designed to make money, like Valentine's Day. Plus, I don't like anything scary -- scary movies, practical jokes, haunted house rides, etc. Even mock-scary things make me feel uncomfortable.

It wasn't until I was older and did my own research that I found out about the older tradition of Samhain and how it's tied in to Pagan practices. I also learned more about the traditions of Halloween from a psychological perspective and how exposing yourself to mildly scary things can relieve greater fears. It was very interesting and explained a great deal, but I still wasn't into Halloween. These days, I would say I'm not into it the same way that the Wheel of the Year isn't part of my practice.

I mean -- I live in the Southern Hemisphere. Why would I celebrate a harvest holiday in Spring?

Spooky Cheese.

The dissonance between my experience of living in the Southern Hemisphere and the Northern Hemisphere experience becomes particularly acute at this time of year. I've felt it especially in the last 5 years or so. I think it's due to social media. Whenever I log onto Facebook or Instagram, my feed is literally filled with photos of Happy Halloween graphics, pumpkins, Autumn leaves, carved pumpkins, people in Halloween costumes, pumpkin pies, Samhain spell suggestions, pumpkin spice lattes. (Seriously, people are obsessed with pumpkins at this time of year!)

We can't even buy pumpkins at the moment because they're not in season. And there's no canned pumpkin in Australia. It might not seem like a big thing, but it does have a tendency to make me feel isolated and out of step. (Not just the pumpkin thing, but the whole cultural phenomenon.)

So when I see the Australians around me wholeheartedly embracing Halloween, it's a bit disconcerting. I'm sure that Pagans who follow the local seasonal cycle will be celebrating Spring right now, so I can't help but think some of the people here who celebrate Halloween aren't doing it with the depth that would show a true respect for Samhain. I can't really begrudge them though and I don't want to sound like I'm complaining -- it does look like a whole lot of fun!

Having said that, I'm really into Dias de Muertos. I know it seems strange, having just written a whole post about my aversion to Halloween. There are some key differences though -- Dias de Muertos isn't necessarily tied to the seasons, and it's a joyous time focusing on ancestors. I'll write about my practice at this time of year in my next post.

My Divination Tools -- Part 2

In a previous post, I listed the divination tools I owned as of mid-2016. I've acquired a few more since then. Here they are.

"GYPSY WITCH" FORTUNE-TELLING CARDS
I purchased these mainly because they were reasonably priced and I was curious. (Even though I try not to use the word "gypsy" myself anymore as it can cause offence.) They're a full set of playing cards that can also be used as Lenormand cards. The instruction booklet is small but provides a simple, easy to understand explanation of the Petit tableau and Grand tableau layouts. I think they will serve as a good everyday deck so I can save my Viking Lenormand deck for special occasions.

PROFESSOR PAM WISHBOW'S URBAN DIVINATION ORACLE
You've seen at least one reading from me using this deck before. I love the graphics, the gold printing and the unusual square shape. The oracle consists of 32 cards with an urban city-scape theme. As the blurb explains, most people nowadays live in an urban environment and rarely actually encounter the things featured on most oracle cards. Pam decided to create a deck for us urban dwellers, with things we see every day, like The Bin, The Crow and The Unopened Candy. I've used this desk several times, and I tend to reach for it when I'm dealing with something practical or a bit grubby, like a business opportunity or a soured friendship.

PROFESSOR PAM WISHBOW'S BEETLE BONE CASTING MAT
This bandana-sized casting mat is printed in gold ink, in the Wishbow signature style. It came with three randomly chosen treasures -- a key, a crystal and some kind of fingerbone (probably resin). The idea is for the caster to add their own tiny treasures, as many as desired. I haven't tried it yet, but as far as I understand, you assign meanings to the "bones" and where they fall on the mat determines their meaning. It looks like a lot of fun and I can't wait to try it.

SACRED WORLD ORACLE by KRIS WALDHERR
This is a relatively new oracle that I only bought a few weeks ago, and I've only used it once so far. I was attracted to the concept behind it -- each of the 44 cards represents an animal, but they are also divided up into the four elements. The artwork on them is absolutely exquisite, with a golden frame surrounding an image of each animal in a landscape inspired by relevant legends from around the world. I'm not accustomed to working with animal energies, but I'm definitely open to it. I love working with these cards.

SPIRIT CATS ORACLE CARDS by NICOLE PIAR
I've only had this deck a couple of days and haven't used it yet. I came across it completely by chance and knew I had to have it straight away. For a start: cats! Nicole's artwork is breathtaking, in a whimsical and slightly retro style. These photos really don't do them justice. The deck consists of 48 cards, with a cat on the front, and an inspirational message on the back.

Nicole is offering a free course working with oracle cards, which I have signed up for. It starts next month.

HARRY POTTER FANTASTIC BEASTS CARDS
It's actually a set of colouring cards (complete with pencils), but I'm wondering if it can be used for divination. I could use my copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them as the guidebook. My only issue is that the cards aren't labelled, so I'd have to brush up on my beast-identification skills. But how fun would it be?

My Troubles with Meditation

I've mentioned before on this blog that I have trouble with meditating. I don't want this blog to be all fluffy bunny posts about card readings and sharing my latest crystal. I want it to be an honest sharing of my spiritual path -- both the smooth and the rocky parts. So today I'm going to talk a bit about the trouble I've had with meditating.

I must have first heard about meditation when I was a kid or a teenager. It was in the same category of wierd hippie things as wearing robes and eating yoghurt. I thought only practitioners of mysterious cult-like religions practiced meditation. Thankfully I was open-minded and when I was at University, I decided to try it. After all, I was a budding Taoist and that's what Taoists do. Every morning, I would light an incense stick, read a passage from the Tao Te Ching and meditate for about 10 to 15 minutes, or however long I felt like it.

During these meditation sessions, I would sometimes reflect on the passage I had just read. Other times I would clear my mind and try my hardest to think about nothing. One time I decided to meditate on the whole universe, and for a split-second, my mind encompassed it. It blew my mind, as they say, and from that day on I was confirmed as a Taoist.

Clearing my mind and thinking about nothing was relatively easy in those days. I was a University student, doing an Arts degree so I didn't have that much homework to do. It was work that I enjoyed on subjects that I was interested in. I didn't have a job -- my parents paid for my board. I lived in the student dorms so I didn't have much more to think about than what I was going to have for lunch that day. It was also nice and quiet in the mornings, too.

When I finished University, I lived in a series of share houses, which were noisy and stressful to a quiet-loving introvert with undiagnosed social anxiety like me. I completely forgot about meditation, and wouldn't have had the right circumstances to practice it in anyway. By the time I moved out on my own into a small apartment, I'd replaced meditation with playing computer games and watching TV as ways to relax.

A little while after that, meditation started to feature in the media as a way of combatting stress and promoting health. I remembered the times when I used to find it of so much benefit, but found myself unable to return there. I borrowed many books from the library and tried techniques from them, but none of them seemed to work for me. There was just no way I could sit down and think about nothing. My brain was always racing at a hundred miles an hour. I had the stress of work, bills and rent to pay always weighing on my mind. I thought it was impossible for me to meditate anymore. The books never explained that it's a practice. You won't get it straight away. You won't get it in a couple of days or a couple of weeks. You have to keep going, even when it seems impossible.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't happen straight away. But I felt like I didn't have the time or patience to keep going. The benefits weren't tangible enough. I stopped borrowing those books from the library, and told myself, "oh well, I just can't meditate." I gave up.

One day a few years after that, I heard about the technique of imagining that your thoughts are clouds, and let them drift away. I really liked that idea. Clouds are so soft and gentle. I started to imagine the clouds inside a sphere. I was standing in a darkened room, looking at a huge glass sphere. The sphere was my brain/mind, and my thoughts were clouds inside it. Occasionally there were vague images, but they were usually clouds. The important part is that they were separate from me. Any time that I realised thoughts were invading my head, I took them out and put them in the sphere. I tried not to focus on what the thoughts/clouds were, but just that they were away from me.

This is a nice meditation and I'm able to focus on it well, but I wonder if it's really meditation. As far as I understand it, meditation is clearing the mind. It's not thinking about ANYthing. Under that definition, thinking about a sphere full of clouds, or anything else for that matter, is not meditation.

One night a few years ago, I was feeling very anxious in bed and not able to get to sleep. Husband suggested that I try thinking about the colour blue. It was relaxing and fun but again, is it really meditation?

Another technique that I've used successfully when I'm feeling social anxiety in public is to repeat over and over, "I have love in my heart." This calms me down a lot and enables me to go about my everyday life. I'm pretty sure it's not meditation, though.

Lately I've been wondering if the word meditation is sometimes misused. Sometimes I will read that someone 'meditated on' a topic. Another example is Marcus Aurelius' book Meditations. In these cases perhaps 'reflect on' or 'contemplate' might be more what is meant. For, how can you think about something and clear your mind at the same time?

Then there are the types of meditation I've read about which can be done while doing things, like walking, painting or repetitive motions like craft. These require some concentration, but not so much that it's distracting. You can enter a mindful state where you are fully in the present: your mind is integrated. You're not "thinking about two things at once." When I've gotten into a state like this, while walking, crafting or even at work, I've found a great deal of peace and happiness. But this isn't meditation. Is it?

By the time I started with the Grey School, my thoughts on meditation were: "too hard, too confusing, not worth bothering with, oh well." But then I saw that I have compulsory classes that involve meditation, and realised I can't have this point of view anymore! My heart sank. I couldn't avoid it any longer. I would have to try again at this thing that I'd told myself for so long I was no good at.

I've gone through a lot of ups and downs in the last few months of being a student at the school, in regards to the meditation classes. Some days I think I get it, and others I collapse into a puddle of confusion and self-doubt. I ask myself: "Can I do it? Am I doing it right? Is what I'm doing even meditation?" Then I berate myself for over-thinking things.

It was a struggle, but I managed to finish the first two assignments. After that, I decided to continue meditating independently of the assignments, because I do know that doing well in future assignments will involve deepening my practice, not just doing the bare minimum to get by. (See, I am a good student!) So I have been using the Insight Timer app to meditate with once or twice a week.

After thinking about it for a while, I think the best course is to just do what the assignments tell me to do. Don't worry about what the words 'meditation', 'visualisation', 'grounding' etc mean, but just do what the instructions say and observe my experiences.